it seems

i've hit a wall of self realization. 

that everyone i've ever cared for has eventually walked out. 

and that every time this happens, a whole new group of people walk in, just so they can walk back out.

i'm over losing everyone.

and i'm over trying to keep everyone from leaving.

i'm not going to put in the effort with people anymore, if your willing to form any type of relationship with me - you put in the effort. you try to capture and withhold my attention, you keep in touch with me and you change my mind about this whole thing.

because it seems to me that, relationships of any form are more complex than rubix cubes and it takes more than one person to make them work.